Whass going‘ on here?

For our dear readers devoid of German language skills, I’m going to try to shed some light on, well, what is going on here.
Straight to the point...let’s face it, everybody was having fun in the Eighties (at least they think they did). At the dawn of the Nineties, we slid into a decade of panic, then, picking up speed, we went unswervingly free-falling into and through the Zero Years of Confusion. Once again we are facing another juniper fingered dawn of a fresh decade, the New Tens. I could already tell you what they are gonna be about, and I will:
Answers.
We need to be prepared and get a head start on the oncoming ten years, no doubt. That’s why we’ve put together a team of five(?) highly-trained specialists, who will probe into the virgin-like raw material of the decade ahead. We decided to send them to a place, that itself is said to always be one or two days - give or take - ahead of planet earth. Ubiquitous NYC; also a place so utterly higgledy-piggledy, that without a Prada backpack filled with the right answers, you won’t even be able to get your first cup of coffee in the morning.
That brings us to Phase One of the project: The right answers to pre-existing questions.
As Specialist Trooper Groll has already pointed out in his no less than visionary article on Specialist Trooper Riebel, there always remain some unsolved mysteries we need to get a grip on.
What actually and eventually happened between Special Trooper Riebel and Halle Berry?
Furthermore, did this eventuality take place on the M.S. Völkerfreundschaft – at the time sailing under the command of Specialist Trooper Goncalo? What the heck happened on that boat? Are the Berlin underground celebrity Gina Tonic and Specialist Trooper Goncalo one and the same person? Is “Bembel Mania 8” out yet, and can i get it on DVD? Where can i buy Hyper-Hydro Hair Wax 3000, what are it’s side effects?
It gets even trickier.
Is Munich a real place at all, or just a matrix-like virtual thingy implanted in Specialist Trooper Groll’s consciousness? Is this a threat to our mission? Can we save him? How come, that whenever S.T. Groll performs his signature number “A Candy Coloured Clown They Call The Sandman”, S.T. Etzold drops asleep on the spot, not like a child lulled into sleep by it’s mother, but like a cow struck by a lightning bolt, no questions asked?
And now, something even more essential: Will S.T. Goncalo finally unleash the ultimate Crusta, and will the “Schöneberger Beton Swizzle” change the New York dating scene for good?
No need to feel dizzy, dear reader, we’ll sort those things out for you. Kick back and have a cookie.
Can you overdose on Porterhouse? How many grams are deadly? Will S.T. Bender have his long awaited and anticipated coming out as a neo-post-metrosexual, walking down Fifth Avenue, ignoring every Prada Store shop window along the way?
Talking about shopping...We are coming to our final and most perilous task in Phase One:
What’s up with the myth of the Sven Riebel Action Figure with both (!!!), the “I Like” plus the “Make It Double” function? Will we be able to find it on the black market?
Do we need a Specialist Trooper Chef to pull that off? Certainly.
But don’t you worry, we are trained to do that stuff.

More questions will inevitably arise, and we’ll have the answers, damn right. Guarantied. Stay tuned.

yours truly


Coming up next: Phase 2.